120. I honor that time. 37. Because he was always spotted. Every day I become calmer and do more good for the world. The best way for me to appreciate my job is to imagine myself without one. I tried, but they wanted cash. 161. I say what I want and i dont care what everyone else thinks about it. Good morning! I dont need excuses, because I never mess things up. I am too lazy to be lazy. 118. My funny vibes attract my happy tribe. Is it perfect? 49. Here is a list for you that has all the funny affirmations: I am making myself laugh every time I say any sarcastic word. The world needs people like me to keep things interesting! You are good enough, smart enough, beautiful enough, and strong enough. I am not only pretty but also pretty awesome, pretty smart, and pretty kind. 177. Jackie Collins Heres some short funny affirmations that will hopefully brighten up your day. "We . I love my body. I can create positive change in the world. Sarcasm is a tool of highly intelligent people and if you're one of them (I bet you are), you're going to love these funny affirmations that are filled with humor and sarcasm.I'm sure you've heard a lot about affirmations, what they do and why you should start using them daily.They are a powerful to. 26. 66. Im sorry, but thats just the way I am. Funny affirmations for self-esteem are one way you can boost your mood in just minutes! I love my job only when Im on vacation. 157. No matter how bad it gets, Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. Im like a postage stamp. Its called tomorrow. Just like every Monday does on Earth. If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldnt have a job if he was any smarter. John Gotti, 6. And one of the fundamental truths in life is that they will make . Ive collected 90 funniest affirmations from different sources on the web that will help you start a day in a positive manner. 195. Heres a list of important things to consider: Choosing the perfect affirmation from our list isnt much different. 142. 117. Not everyone has good taste. 153. "Your mistakes don't define you.". I feel great. Explore the latest videos from hashtags: #affirmations, #affirmation, #funnyaffirmation, #dailyaffirmations, #affirmationsoftheday, # . I may stumble along the way, but I will get over it. "I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. 6. 218. 80 Soren Kierkegaard Quotes On Love, Life And Philosophy, Top 90 Martin Luther King Jr. [click_to_tweet tweet="Things are getting better all the time" quote="Things are getting better all the time" theme="style4] Why cant you trust an atom? When the past comes knocking, dont answer. 28. 1. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars. Reciting witty affirmations can help you rise above any problems you encounter. I sometimes might be too much, but I am always enough. 208. 99. "You have to be odd to be number one.". I am capable of eating a family-sized bag of chips. 239. 216. Milton Berle, 245. You may have people laugh at you instead of with you. Let me gather my thoughts and crush this Monday., 15. Albert Einstein Live life to the fullest. Hmmm, this text message is a little too harsh, Ill add LOL at the end. I love my job only when Im on vacation. No man goes before his timeunless the boss leaves early. It will warm you twice unknown. - Billie Burke. How can you not like someone who can make you laugh? 109. My wife and I were happy for 20 years, then we met. 9. I wish my wallet came with free refills. 38. There might be affiliate links on this page, which means we get a small commission of anything you buy. Paul Ehrlich, 241. Also read: 50+ Powerful Positive Affirmations For Exams. Life doesnt have any hands, but it can sure give you a slap sometimes. They have shown me exactly who I do not want to be., 15. Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo. Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow as well., 13. 3. I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldnt complain. And a funny bone. 231. Im a work in progress without a completion date., See also: 120 Ultimate Best Quotes About Progress To Fuel Your Growth. 7. 228. About Us | Privacy Policy | Terms | Contact 2023 Quotement. Life is always easier with some humor, smiles, laughter and fun. When I can laugh at myself, life becomes so much easier. Pampered cows produce spoiled milk. 8. 130. If the funny affirmations that Ive put together dont break your cool, then feel free to throw on a comedy special on Netflix or Youtube when you feel stressed. I didnt give a f*ck yesterday, I dont give a f*ck today, and I wont give a f*ck tomorrow either. Heres a list of funny affirmations that will improve your mood instantly. Helen Giangregorio 74. 35. Never let anyone waste your time twice. East. Yes, of course, I am athletic, I surf the Internet every day. If people are talking behind your back, be happy that you are the one in front. Don't forget to be awesome. When the past comes knocking, dont answer. Dont drink to forget me, youll end up seeing me double. 211. 200. Erma Bombeck I am grateful for that time. Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up. 81. Relax, its the weekend, just dont blink or it will be all over. You can also think of your affirmations while you work, drive, do yoga, or simply enjoy time with friends. Erma Bombeck. I can always be fatter. Relaxing the mind with some funny affirmations is an easy way to reduce stress and keep yourself grounded in moments of turmoil. We all need a little energy boost here and there. A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have. My mistakes dont define me. Dave Barry Our toaster has two settings: too soon or too late. 5. I thought you said extra fries. Youre talking to yourself. 88. I am attractive just as I am. As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases. May your coffee be strong and your Monday productive. My goal this weekend is to move, just enough so people dont think Im dead. I dont think thats a coincidence., 3. Positive mindset affirmations. 179. Breasts dont have eyes. You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart. Whats the difference between a guitar and a fish? I am joyful for achieving the ones I did. You cant have everything, where would you put it? What better way to do that than through your own self-talk? grateful. My boss is like a baby, screams and wakes me up every half hour. Oh sheet! Lorrin L. Lee. You wanna know who Im in love with? These affirmations will help you to combat the lies of the enemy in every aspect of your life. 27. Lifes biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I dont want to get out of bed. Positive affirmations are a longstanding practice for those of us who need a little extra daily encouragement, and the best part isthey're free and they're flexible! 51. I try to see the funny side of every situation. I'm amusing and people enjoy talking to me. Need to send some positive energy your way? I put my phone in airplane mode, but its not flying. Find a quiet place without distractions. Look, youre smiling! Never forget that broken crayons can also color. 152. A bald spot is like a lie, the bigger it gets the harder it is to cover it up. 89. Today I was a hero. What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? My mood swings keep life interesting. If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me. Be careful when you follow the masses. 263. 220. Because seven ate nine. Say "Thank you" - A Motivational Video On The Importance Of GratitudeIntro Speech by Denzel Washington (Commencement Speech)Main speech by Fearless Soul "Tha. I hope you have a ridiculously amazing day. I breathe in and out. Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday? I accept my body the way it is today. I can have peace, even when people irritate me.. Home: Where I can look ugly and not care. I eat cake because its someones birthday somewhere today. If at first, you dont succeed, so much for skydiving. Home: Where I can look ugly and not care. 8. I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge. Walter Bagehot. 5. 43. I can do this. I wonder, do we lazy people go to heaven or do they send someone to pick us up? My son is now an entrepreneur. 2. 4. I will smile while I still have my teeth. Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow as well. Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it. Self-worth has nothing to do with clothing size. Short people with an umbrella. I hate Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and half of Fridays. Franklin Jones If we shouldnt eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge? So with that being said, heres a list of funny affirmations. I am awesome. 36. Sincerely, yourself., 2. I dont care! Being funny seems to be taking less effort. We all have baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack. I understand success cant happen overnight. Because he was always spotted. 105. - Donald Trump. 67. Forget the butterflies, I feel the entire zoo in my stomach when Im with you. Or maybe, you just love cracking jokes and making people laugh. 20. A wishbone. 91. When they go away, its a brighter day. Its called tomorrow. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. We get so worried about being pretty lets be pretty kind, pretty funny, pretty smart, pretty strong., 9. 168. Let these funny affirmation quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day. People only rain on my parade because they are jealous of my sun and tired of their shade., 14. But you're not as old as you're going to be.". 188. Read the first word again. 144. 53. Effective pushing often involves poop. 97. Excuse me, I need to go be awesome today. 71. I radiate calmness and tranquility, with a little side of body odor. 22. 266. I should have theme music every time I enter a room. Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. The early bird catches the worm, eats more and dies sooner. If I want a squirrel to like me, I guess I gotta act like a nut., 6. So, why not team them up? I like my thoughts how I like my whiskey, always glass half full. 7. Give me a photo of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas. Today, I laughed until my abs started hurting, so I can skip the gym. 1. 33. Smile today, tomorrow could be worse. I attract the right people and repel the wrong ones. Wilson Mizner, 262. Albert Einstein, 190. All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips. Im not weird, Im just limited edition. 28. We need to hear a pin drop. Envelope. Laughter also has a social aspect, as its the perfect way to bond with people. Enjoy! Sam Levenson Sarcasm is a tool of highly intelligent people and if youre one of them (I bet you are), youre going to love these funny affirmations that are filled with humor and sarcasm. 15. P.D. 32. 117. To thrive in life you need three bones. Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo. 241. Cindy from Marzahn. I attacked the floor and I believe I am winning. 8. Subscribe To Our Newsletter! can help you become successful in whatever you choose to do in life. How do you count cows? These funny ideas are smart and a bit sarcastic and will bring a smile to your face. You can write them on sticky notes to set on your mirror, on the notes app in your phone for on-the-go encouragement, or you can simply memorize your favorites and recite . Because it was soda pressing. "Don't let anyone ever dull your . 140. Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die. Check out our funny affirmation selection for the very best in unique or custom, handmade pieces from our encouragement cards shops. 89. I said yes, which turned out to be the right answer. I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case were having cake. If you have crazy friends you have everything youll ever need. My to-do list doesnt include dealing with negative people. Theres life without Facebook and internet? Watch popular content from the following creators: Maaryfairyy(@maaryfairyy), Jasmines Garden(@jasminesgarden23), Dazley(@dazzlemeup), JaySean(@jaysean), Nathalie Munoz(@nathaliemunozx3) . 154. Get Love Tips Sent Straight To Your Inbox. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Youre just gonna feel embarrassed for a minute or two and then it will be over. Be like a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet from the inside., 11. I can't make everyone happy, I'm not tequila. 147. 275. 75. Choose words that make you feel confident about yourself. Ted Turner. You may feel a little embarrassed and vulnerable. It was created to do amazing things. Funny affirmation quotes funny quotes about affirmation. If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button. I have committed to being my most outstanding self. For the best seat in the house, youll have to move the dog. This is because, in order to be funny, there are certain details that need to be perfectly delivered. When nothing is going right, go left. 23. Effective pushing often involves poop. After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says W T F. 204. No No NOYes. A person with a great sense of humor is also more likable. - F. Inspiring Quotes About Life "Here, we like to keep you inspired by showing you beautiful words of wisdom based . When I grow up to be a parent, my children will think the same about me. I am passing all the things and hardships with a smile. 230. 98. If I lose my hopes, I am afraid my mom will still scold me for taking it out and showing it to friends. I am intelligent. "Being funny doesn't take much effort.". It just plain forms. Funny Positive Affirmations For Work. I don't entertain negativity in any shape or form. I dont need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning. Wonderwoman: single. Affirmations are an opportunity to be honest with ourselves and recognize that we have a treasure trove of power and creativity within us. 251. The chains on my mood swing just snapped. The only relationship I have is with my Wifi. My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. Since not all of us are blessed with the ability to throw a joke the right way, we thought of helping you out by giving you these ridiculously short funny quotes. I have a new hairstyle today, its called I tried. A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours. health is important. In between, I am alive. I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better. The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa. 'Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.'. I nourish my body every day. If you feel like todays not your day and the best thing would be to stay in bed, Ive got something that will cheer you up. Short Positive Affirmations set the pace for your day. Short Positive Affirmations "I Am" Affirmations. 41. Its not important to win, its important to make the other guy lose. 59. Giving up on your goal because of one setback is like slashing your other three tires because you got a flat., 6. Youre not tequila., 5. Get help beating negative thinking by reciting positive affirmation every day. He who laughs last didnt get it. I attacked the floor and I believe I am winning. 233. Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing. I am already great, and I am yet to reach my full potential. Never take life seriously. 161. Today is a great day. The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. Oscar Wilde, 5. Declare your affirmations slowly and clearly. If you dont succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried. We all have those days when we feel like the world is coming to an end. What is the tallest building in the entire world? I am capable of rewriting my grievances and transforming my fears. 154 Short, Positive Affirmations that are Easy to Remember. 160. Hello little voice inside my head, please just shut up., 14. Bill Murray 157. 86. People who talk behind my back are getting a great view. There's value in patting yourself (and your friends) on the back.Positive affirmations are statements that can help brighten your outlook on the world when you say them to yourself regularly or write them down in a journal.While affirmations are no substitute for professional help such as therapy when you're experiencing anxiety or depression, those who swear by the power of uplifting . Always remember youre unique, just like everyone else. You can tune a guitar, but you cant tuna fish. Remember that the effects of affirmations are no laughing matter, so make sure your voice is heard. happy. I dont like morning people, or mornings, or people. New year, new me. 85. I tell you what always catches my eye. Im describing you. Nine out of ten people love chocolate, and the 10th person is always lying. 242. IRS: Weve got what it takes to take what you have got. I am changing all my useless things into something productive by working on them. Every time you are able to find some humor in a difficult situation, you win., 5. A mind is like a parachute. I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle. 99. Dont make me laugh, Im trying to be mad at you. I dont like morning people, or mornings, or people. They allow you to focus on the positive and what is working in your life rather than dwelling on the negative. But then again so does . 135. You may feel a little embarrassed and vulnerable. I will be the type of person I would like my children to become. Yeah, so is a grenade. Sometimes I am so freaking awesome, I blow my own mind. 144. Please do your own research before making any online purchase. 46. Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. It takes so little to change your life! I always find something funny in every situation. 7. Short Funny Quotes. In life, sometimes you just need to break the tension with a little humor. Bowling Alley: Please be quiet. Next up is a collection of funny affirmations that will make you love yourself more. I thought you said extra fries. Whatever you must do todaydo it with the confidence of a 4-year-old in a Batman cape., 2. 113. I choose to stop obsessing about my body. It may look like Im doing nothing, but in my head, Im quite busy. If youre hotter than me, then that means Im cooler than you. I experience ease and flow as I navigate my exhilarating life. Snowballs. My funny vibes attract my funny tribe., 3. 238. Frances McDormand, 42. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. It doesn't make sense to dwell on things you can't do anything about. All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips. 17. Every time I like the taste of the food, I am damn sure that its unhealthy for me. 9. Sometimes the M is silent. A wishbone. I personally love watching masters of comedy, Feel free to pick a few of these affirmations and say them to yourself the next time youre. With a cowculator. Ive got three bones. What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? Benjamin Franklin. 138. Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a no bell prize. If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door. 96. 246. 14. Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesnt contain any calories. So, you promise yourself from tomorrow on, youll be starting your days using affirmations. Finally, if you want a simple tool to record and recite these affirmations, then check out these 13 affirmations apps that help you create a positive mindset. 9. How do trees access the internet? 278. Happiness is a choice. 1. You might enjoy: Affirmations: 13 Answers You Should Know Not saying I hate you, but if your face was on fire and I had a glass of water, Id drink it. [click_to_tweet tweet=I can always think of something funny to say. quote=I can always think of something funny to say. theme=style4], 2023 Oldtown Publishing LLC 479 State Route 17 N 215. I may not know karate, but I know crazy and Im not afraid to use it. Lifes biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I dont want to get out of bed. Words have the power to make or break us. You can make friends and have good relationships if you believe in your sense of humor and fill your mind with funny and positive thoughts. I wonder why spiderman narrated it the other way round. 201. Cindy from Marzahn 19. Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once. Im multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time. Take a look! Im lovely because everyone likes me more than Monday morning!, 7. I dont know, but the flag is a big plus. 265. 23. 149. 143. 192. Trust me, your secrets are safe with me and all of my friends. Bill Murray. I overcome fears by following my dreams. 187. Sorry, I didnt pick up my phone, I got carried away dancing to the ringtone. The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep. I'm Sergios Rotar, a 21 years old personal development enthusiast. No matter how bad it gets Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry. 194. 195. Pat Sajak, 41. What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant? 2. 213. Whats the difference between a guitar and a fish? 134. But it'll move up again.". Heres a giant list of funny affirmations to help you relax your mind with a little humor when youre stressed. I did not trip and fall. Send me the link. 91. I dont need a psychologist to dig into my personal life and ask me about all of my secrets, thats what my friends are for!, 13. You can use affirmations to alleviate pressure in highly stressful scenarios, like taking an exam or going to a job interview. After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says W T F. "It's only WednesdayHang in there!". I dont go crazy, I am crazy. I receive what I believe. I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing. 235. 278. 151. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? My windows arent dirty, my dog is painting. Im not arguing, Im just telling you why youre wrong. 225. Start as soon as you wake up in the morning. You might enjoy: Affirmations: 13 Answers You Should Know. Short people with an umbrella. Today Im going to reach for the stars so that I can air out my armpits., 8. Think about all the things you're struggling with in your life. I said no to drugs, but they just wouldnt listen. 258. There are no stupid questions, just stupid people. Dont forget to check out our post onlove yourself quotesandvision board quotesto attract positivity in your life. Giving up on myself because of one setback is like slashing my other three tires because one is flat., 10. My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them. 3. , we dont need our internal dialogue to pile on too. You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart. 190. 9. 11. 131. Of course, I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice. 132. Nine out of ten people love chocolate, and the 10th person is always lying. Wake up and smell the birdshit on your windshield., 10. Positive Affirmations And Inspiring Quotes About Life Life is filled with highs and lows, sometimes, we need some inspirational quotes to help us overcome challenges of life and offer guidance to us. You might use humor as a coping mechanism. I love my kids, which means I am doing just fine. 122. Bill Murray Its time to be much more intentional about the words that we tell ourselves and take a step back from all of lifes noise. Excuse me please, I have to go hide a treasure. 51. 169. Not looking at the price tag when Im shopping., 11. 214. What do computers eat for a snack? Why cant you play cards on a small boat? I am strong and getting stronger every day. I stick to things until I get to my destination., 12. Always remember youre unique, just like everyone else. Required fields are marked *. Its okay if people dont like me. Your eyes water when you yawn, because you miss your bed and it makes you sad. 212. When our phones fall, we panic; but when our friends fall, we laugh. 240. 193. I didnt mean to push all your buttons, I was just looking for the mute button. 24. And their purpose certainly isn't to minimize hard feelings. 54. Share them with your friends and colleagues and make them smile too. 61. 226. Why did the can crusher quit his job? When affirmations make you feel good about yourself, they are most effective. 6. I am just making myself capable enough to live in the moment. I dont know, but the flag is a big plus. Just like every Monday does on Earth. I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldnt complain. Every day is a gift, thats why they call it the present. I love the moment when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I am going to be today. They shape our present and have an impact on our future. I will shine like fireworks on the Fourth of July. I love it when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I am going to be today. Steve Martin, 254. I often wish I was someone else Just so I could hang around with someone as awesome as me. Enjoy! Im not here to judge, Im just pointing out all the mistakes youre making. 271. Life would be tragic if it werent funny too. We'll get to that later. You might undoubtedly relate with them, and yet you will not feel laid back because of your weaknesses. Not me, but somebody does. 126. You may hear crickets when you try to tell a joke. 148. 2. Not everyone has good taste. Ive made it from the bed to the couch. 219. Theres no stopping me now. Stressed spelled backwards is desserts. I'm a peli-can! I am so worthy so that I am filling the life of people with fun and joy. 222. 185. It's OK to take a break. 60. You can't wait for inspiration. Papercut: A trees final moment of revenge. 1. 39 funny positive affirmations. 2. Are these genes in your jeans or are you just happy to see me? 200. Charles M. Schulz 178. When you leave work on Friday, leave work. 145. I believe in what's possible for me. The thing is, Im still getting ready. 260. 26. My mistakes dont define me. "Whatever you do, do with all your might.". Be kinder with yourself and change your thoughts for better health (physically and emotionally). 135. 108. Hes dreaming too. 68. I'm sorry, I have to quickly disable alarm level brown. 250. "If you see me talking to myself. As you can see, laughter is already a powerful tool on its own. 78. I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. 208. 101. 75. Its alright if you dont agree with me, I cant force you to be right. This is the mondayest Monday that ever mondayed. 182. To the guy who created imaginary numbers in math: I hate you. Laughter can help you see the humor in otherwise grim situations. If nothing is impossible is it possible for something to be impossible? I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status. 272. Its scary when it disappears. 264. 256. 107. Then, think about how easy it would be to say a simple statement to yourself throughout the day. 234. - Roy T. Bennett. 66. Keep your affirmations in the present. 219. If you cant laugh at your own problems, call me and Ill laugh at them. - Benjamin Franklin. 167. I am my childs greatest comfort. They make you change without hurting your self-esteem. I am intelligent. 249. I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. 36. How do astronomers organize a party? I tried looking at the bright side of life, but it hurt my eyes.
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